Book Coming Soon!

Learn about the origins and inner workings of avoidant attachment and how it shows up in relationships, and get started on your way to security in love. Sign up to my email list to make sure you don’t miss the paperback or e-book release.

In the meantime:

Insight and education for those with avoidant attachment patterns and their loved ones.

Subscribe to my Patreon for monthly deep dives into different aspects of avoidant attachment, a patron-only advice column with YOUR submissions, and sneak peeks into my book.

Understand yourself

A lot of popular attachment content is written from secure or anxious standpoints, and very rarely from the point of view of avoidants. Learning that how you feel and what you experience is pretty normal, hearing it articulated accurately, and seeing new ways forward can feel like a huge relief—you’re not broken or alone, and you can improve your experience of relationships!

 

Learn to let love in

Avoidant attachment, like all insecure attachment styles, manifests in ways that can block intimacy and keep us from experiencing fulfilling, comfortable, supportive relationships. Here you’ll find resources that can help you step into relationships without losing what’s important to you.

 

Follow along

 
ONE FOOT OUT: STAYING STUCK IN "SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?" Probably everyone has typed "when to break up" into a search bar in a desperate attempt for clearcut, communal answers to an inherently tangled and lonely query. T
* See Bowen's Theory of Differentiation Indirect, passive, or passive-aggressive communication tends to send avoidant nervous systems through the roof. Non-assertiveness brings up the urge to fight or flee because of a lack of what's called Differe
If you're "just being avoidant," it doesn't mean to ignore your feelings. Insecure attachment usually results in taking overwhelming feelings as urgent messages that require our action—specifically the actions that have kept us safe
All insecure attachment patterns center around self-protection, and are merely different strategies developed in an effort to stay safe—usually in early childhood. But as my own wise therapist often says, "you can't protect and connect at
The desire to be **freely** chosen might play a role in some avoidant tendencies and strategies: We avoidants can sometimes struggle with the reality that there is no "purity" in the sense that someone will choose us completely freely with
A "feeling" is an imprecise term that is usually used to mean some mix of thought, emotion, and sensation. Being aware of what is a thought, emotion, and sensation is especially important for the insecurely attached. Thoughts include comp
This week in my monthly response to a Patron-submitted query, we heard a very sad tale of a secure woman needlessly losing a loving avoidant partner when he became too afraid to continue. While it was heart-wrenching to read, it was a breath of fre
Are they too needy or do you mistake needs for obligations? Avoidants generally feel a complete, inappropriate responsibility for those around them, and at times this is the cause of our distancing: escaping more emotional responsibility than any ad
Normative versions of many difficult relationship experiences* aren't really problems to solve, but when we see them as emergencies or harbingers of greater meaning than is actually present, we're likely to slip into whatever our habitual coping mech