This page is a running list of sources in no particular order consumed by the author of The Loving Avoidant, which has contributed to the viewpoints of the author and content for this project.
This list differs from the Resources page, which is meant to provide individuals with recommendations for additional media that may be particularly helpful throughout their educational journey.
Some work listed below may contribute to the author’s overall philosophy, values, and understanding of broad and useful psychological, philosophical, and sociological concepts and frameworks which are then synthesized as a general perspective and body of knowledge and incorporated diffusely within the content shared, while others sometimes very directly inform and form the basis of content shared. When sharing specific aspects of work cited here directly, it will be made explicit.
This list is a new endeavor and is wildly incomplete as of 08/25/2023. In general, it will be occasionally updated but will likely be incomplete at any given point, as the author is a total nerd who can’t get enough of this stuff.
Peer-reviewed Research Articles
Alaei, R., Rule, N. O., & MacDonald, G. (2022). Individuals’ favorite songs’ lyrics reflect their attachment style. Personal Relationships, 29(4), 778–794. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12448
Beeney, J. E., Wright, A. G., Stepp, S. D., Hallquist, M. N., Lazarus, S. A., Beeney, J. R., Scott, L. N., & Pilkonis, P. A. (2017). Disorganized attachment and personality functioning in adults: A latent class analysis. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 8(3), 206–216. https://doi.org/10.1037/per0000184
Bureau, J. F., Ann Easlerbrooks, M., & Lyons-Ruth, K. (2009). Attachment disorganization and controlling behavior in middle childhood: Maternal and child precursors and correlates. Attachment & Human Development, 11(3), 265–284. https://doi.org/10.1080/14616730902814788
DeOliveira, C. A., Bailey, H. N., Moran, G., & Pederson, D. R. (2004). Emotion socialization as a framework for understanding the development of disorganized attachment. Social Development, 13(3), 437–467. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9507.2004.00276.x
Granqvist, P., Sroufe, L. A., Dozier, M., Hesse, E., Steele, M., van Ijzendoorn, M., Solomon, J., Schuengel, C., Fearon, P., Bakermans-Kranenburg, M., Steele, H., Cassidy, J., Carlson, E., Madigan, S., Jacobvitz, D., Foster, S., Behrens, K., Rifkin-Graboi, A., Gribneau, N., … Duschinsky, R. (2017). Disorganized attachment in infancy: A review of the phenomenon and its implications for clinicians and policy-makers. Attachment & Human Development, 19(6), 534–558. https://doi.org/10.1080/14616734.2017.1354040
Lyons-Ruth, K. (2001). The two-person construction of defenses: Disorganized attachment strategies. unintegrated mental states and hostile/helpless relational processes. PsycEXTRA Dataset. https://doi.org/10.1037/e302332005-015
Vulliez-Coady, L., Obsuth, I., Torreiro-Casal, M., Ellertsdottir, L., & Lyons-Ruth, K. (2013). Maternal role confusion: Relations to maternal attachment and mother-child interaction from infancy to adolescence. Infant Mental Health Journal, 34(2), 117–131. https://doi.org/10.1002/imhj.21379
Books
From psychology and tightly related fields:
Brown, D. P., & Elliott, D. S. (2016). Attachment disturbances in adults: Treatment for comprehensive repair. W.W. Norton & Company.
Bruce, T. M. L. (2015). Already free: Buddhism meets psychotherapy on the path of liberation. Sounds True.
Gibson, L. C. (2016). Adult children of emotionally immature parents: How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents. New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Heller, D. P. (2019). The power of attachment: How to create deep and lasting intimate relationships. Sounds True.
Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love (1st ed). Little, Brown & Co.
Lerner, H. G. (2017). Why won’t you apologize? Healing big betrayals and everyday hurts. Touchstone.
Michaels, M. A., & Johnson, P. (2015). Designer relationships: A guide to happy monogamy, positive polyamory, and optimistic open relationships (First edition). Cleis Press.
Miller, A. (2007). The drama of the gifted child: The search for the true self (Completely rev. and updated). BasicBooks.
Nagoski, E. (2021). Come as you are: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life (Simon&Schuster trade paperback edition, revised and updated). Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.
Perel, E. (2006). Mating in captivity: Unlocking erotic intelligence (1st ed). Harper.
Richo, D. (1991). How to be an adult: A handbook on psychological and spiritual integration. Paulist Press.
Rosenberg, M. B. (2015). Nonviolent communication: A language of life (3rd edition). PuddleDancer Press.
From other fields of study:
brown, adrienne maree. (2019). Pleasure activism: The politics of feeling good. AK Press.
Burkeman, O. (2023). Four thousand weeks: Time management for mortals. Picador.
Davis, P. (2022). Dedicated: The case for commitment in an age of infinite browsing. Avid Reader Press.
Hooks, Bell. (2018). All about love: New visions (First William Morrow paperback edition). William Morrow.
Odell, J. (2019). How to do nothing: Resisting the attention economy. Melville House.
Putnam, R. D. (2020b). Bowling alone: The collapse and revival of American community (Revised and updated). Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.
Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in a digital age. Penguin Press.
Turkle, S. (2017). Alone together: Why we expect more from technology and less from each other (Third edition, revised trade paperback edition). Basic Books.
Video
How to Identify and Treat Dissociation (Even When It’s Subtle). National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine. a2-master-program-on-treating-trauma-3
Other Resources
Attachment: Impact through young adulthood | Encyclopedia on Early Childhood Development. (2019, December 1). https://www.child-encyclopedia.com/attachment/according-experts/disorganization-attachment-strategies-infancy-and-childhood
Free to attach. Free to Attach. (n.d.). https://www.freetoattach.com/
Popular or Philosophical Articles
Fishbein, R. (2023, April 7). Is therapy-speak making us selfish?. Bustle. https://www.bustle.com/wellness/is-therapy-speak-making-us-selfish
Forrest, A. (2016, October 23). How Your Parents Helping You Pay for Everything Changes Your Relationship with Them. Vice. https://www.vice.com/en/article/yvje95/how-your-parents-helping-you-pay-for-life-changes-your-relationship-with-them
Vrticka, P. (2022, November 30). Attachment theory: What people get wrong about pop psychology’s latest trend for explaining relationships. The Conversation. http://theconversation.com/attachment-theory-what-people-get-wrong-about-pop-psychologys-latest-trend-for-explaining-relationships-195034
Podcast Episodes
Psych Concept Creep Into Our Everyday Experiences with Nicholas Haslam. Mad in America.
No Link Between Serotonin and Depression—What Does That Mean for Antidepressants? Mad In America: Science News.
Mysteries of the Mind. The Gray Area.
What Inspiration Can Do For Us and Why We Won’t Let It. The Healthy Compulsive Project.
Is the Journey to Self-Discovery Pointless? The Gray Area.
Disorganized Attachment: Fear Without Solution. Psychiatry & Psychotherapy Podcast.
Cognitive Bypassing: How to Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life. Being Well.
Understanding the Feeling You Want to Feel with Flinn Skidmore. Cheaper Than Therapy.
Tools to Dissolve Conflict with James Fish Gill. Thriving in Fatherhood.
I Can Be Strong and Taken Care Of. Where Should We Begin?
Still Single at 40. Where Should We Begin?
Taking the Power Back by Putting Weight on Different Things. The Angry Therapist.
Vivek Murthy—To Be A Healer. On Being.
Targeting Emotional Loneliness: Interview with RO DBT Creator Dr. Thomas Lynch & Erica Smith Lynch. The Appetite.
Perpetrator Trauma. The Angry Therapist.
How to Navigate Common Arguments. Being Well.
The Relationship Dance. It’s Not Me, It’s You.
Our Top 3 Relationship Killers. It’s Not Me, It’s You.
Barry Michels: This is What’s Really in Your Subconscious Mind. The James Altucher Show.
Saying No to Your Past, Embracing Growth, and Becoming Lighter with Yung Pueblo. Being Well.
Why We Love the Way We Love: Attachment Styles with Dr. Becky Kennedy. We Can Do Hard Things.
Depressive Specifiers. Psychology Unplugged.
Existential Psychology: Meaning, Purpose, and Motivation. Psychology Unplugged.
Irvin Yalom: Existential Psychotherapy. The Psychology Podcast.
The Psychology of Self-Righteousness with Jonathan Haidt. On Being.
How to Say No: Boundaries with Nedra Glove Tawwab. We Can Do Hard Things.
Attachment Theory Critiques and Other Patron Questions. Psychology in Seattle.
I Dump Wet Clothes on My Partner’s Pillow. Fair Play.
Creating a Secure Relationship with Elizabeth Earnshaw. Being Well.
Kate’s People-Pleasing Trap. Dear Therapists.
Permission to Be Unavailable. Fair Play.
The Science of Trust and Attachment with Dr. Steve Finn. Therapist Uncensored.
The Attachment Theory & Nervous System Connection. Mark Groves.
Unpacking the Amygdala. Therapist Uncensored.
Speakably Sexy—Communicating to Make Sex Hotter and Relationships More Alive with Dr. Susan Ansorge. Therapist Uncensored.
What actually Heals in Therapy with Nancy McWilliams. Therapist Uncensored.
Treating Complex Trauma and Attachment. Therapist Uncensored.
Conquer Shame by Understanding the Science. Therapist Uncensored.
Disorganized Attachment, It’s Not Crazy It's a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem. Therapist Uncensored.
Fear of Abandonment and Narcissism. Therapist Uncensored.
Preoccupation in Relationships—Signs and Solutions to Anxious Attachment. Therapist Uncensored.
Are you Cool or Just Cut off? Dismissing/Avoidant Styles of Relating in Adulthood. Therapist Uncensored.
The Secret to Solving Most Psychological Problems. Being Well.
On Death and Love with Melanie Challenger. Emergence.
Talking Masculinity with ‘The Most Dangerous Therapist in the World', Jerry Hyde. Rebel Wisdom.
Ever Wonder if You’re making a Mistake by Staying in Your Relationship? Anxious Love Coach.
How Grief Often Hides Under Relationship Anxiety. The Anxious Love Coach.
Trauma, the Body, and 2021, Bessel Van Der Kolk. On Being.
Clearing the Clutter: The Phenomenology of Empathy. Theory of Change.
What if I Never Change? Oliver Burkeman. Hurry Slowly.
Finding and Maintaining Fulfillment. Being Well.
Healing Your Attachment Wounds with Diane Poole Heller. Being Well.
Being Kind to Yourself. Hidden Brain.
How Confessing Your Thoughts to your Partner is Making your ROCD worse. Anxious Love Coach.
How to Respect and Feel More Attraction to Your Partner. Anxious Love Coach.
Kat Vellos: The Doorway to Connection. Hurry Slowly.
Joining the Psychedelic Renaissance: Expanding the Experience of Meaning-Making in Psychotherapy. Theory of Change.
Deconstructing Yourself. Being Well.
Break Your Old Patterns. Being Well.
Esther Perel—The Erotic is an Antidote to Death. On Being.
Letting Go: When Is It Time? This Jungian Life.
Finding Your Pivot. Being Well.
How Not to Become Your Parents. Being Well.
Francis Weller - Finding Your Soul. Mark Groves.
Joanna Macy and Anita Barrows. On Being.
Repairing Relationships. Being Well.
How to Assert Yourself Effectively. Being Well.
Honoring Your Childhood Dreams. Being Well.
Fierce Compassion. Being Well.
Speaking from the Heart. Being Well.
Sibling Complexes. This Jungian Life.
How to Become More Empathic. Being Well.
Developing Intimacy and Autonomy. Being Well.
Developing Intimacy and Autonomy. Being Well.
How to Feel “Like a Good Person.” Being Well.
Managing Your Inner Critic. Being Well.
Paul Gilbert on Confidence. Being Well.
Stop Punishing Yourself. Being Well.
Secure and Insecure Attachment. Being Well.
How to Make a Big Decision. Being Well.
Forming Healthy Relationships with Goals. Being Well.
Finding What You Really Need. Being Well.
Relating to Your Body. Being Well.
Using Your Fierceness. Being Well.
How to Become More Determined. Being Well.
Respond, Don’t React. Being Well.
How to Meet Your Needs. Being Well.
Dealing With the Mind. Being Well.
Mindfulness. Being Well.
Take the Time to Enjoy Life. Being Well.
Accept to Grow. Being Well.
How to Grow Self-Compassion. Being Well.
Being On Your Own Side. Being Well.
Introducing Resilience. Being Well.
Finding and Keeping a Healthy Relationship. Being Well.
Take in the good. Being Well.
The HEAL Process. Being Well.
Being For Yourself. Being Well.
The Conversation Nature of Reality with David Whyte. On Being.
The Four Most Important Habits of Life. On Being.
Become a Relationship Grown-Up. Mark Groves.
How to Become a Boundary Boss. Mark Groves.
Captain “Raise the Bar.” Mark Groves.
Use the Mind to Change the Brain. Being Well.
Phenomenology for Counselors. Theory of Change.
Reality is Relationships. Theory of Change.
A Breath of Fresh Air. Theory of Change.
Won’t You Be My Neighbor? A Civic Vision. Your Undivided Attention.
Standing on the Shoulders of Giants. Theory of Change.
Are the Kids Alright? Your Undivided Attention.
The New Normal. Being Well.
The Opposite of Addiction. Your Undivided Attention.
Mind the (Perception) Gap. Your Undivided Attention.
Coming to Balance. Ten Percent Happier.
How to Build a Happier Brain. Being Well.
Clickbait: Managing Our Digital Identity. Theory of Change.
The Pitfalls of Self-Help. Being Well.
Polyvagal Theory. Being Well.
Don’t Leave Yourself Out. Being Well.
Stop Sabotaging Yourself. Being Well.
Learning Nonviolent Communication. Being Well.
Working with Your Anxiety. Being Well.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Being Well.
Building Health Boundaries. Being Well.
A Matter of Balance. Theory of Change.
A Return to the Relationship: Counseling Beyond Symptoms. Theory of Change.
The Saga of Postmodernism for Counselors. Theory of Change.
We are All Burnt Out. The Cut.
The Provisional Life. This Jungian Life.
Emotional Intelligence Now. Sounds True.
Successful Committed Relationships. Sounds True.
Belonging: The Search for Home. This Jungian Life.
Puer - Puella. This Jungian Life.
The Archetype of the Fool. This Jungian Life.
Shaping Grief with Language. On Being.
Daniel Kahneman Doesn’t Trust Your Intuition. Work Life Adam Grant.
What’s Happening in Our Nervous Systems? On Being.
Brene Brown on What Vulnerability Isn’t. Work Life Adam Grant.
You Might Actually Be In Love With Your Best Friend. The Cut.
Bruce Tift: Already Free. Sounds True.
The True Hard Work of Love and Relationships with Alain de Boton. On Being.
The End of Women Caretaking Men. Mark Groves.
Crushing Codependency Myths. Mark Groves.
Kryptonite for the Inner Critic. Ten Percent Happier.
How to Stop Over-Functioning. Mark Groves.
Three Resilience Tools. Ten Percent Happier.
Navigating Loss Without Closure. On Being.
Why Your Bad Habits (and Addictions) May Be Getting Worse—and How Mindfulness Can Help. Ten Percent Happier.
Ms. Entitlement and Mr. Sacrifice Out on a Date. Where Should We Begin?
You Can Be Right or You Can Be Married. Where Should We Begin?
Questions You Aren’t Allowed to Ask. Where Should We Begin?
Tell me I’m not alone. Where Should We Begin?
There’s You There’s Me And There’s Us. Where Should We Begin?
Speak to Me in French. Where Should We Begin?
I’ve had Better. Where Should We Begin?